A Year in Reflection

It’s been a little over a year since I published my first book, Spilled, and my short story Everybody Loves Me and it seems like it’s time for a little reflection. I’m not rich yet, in case anyone was wondering, and I’m definitely not thinking about quitting my day job anytime soon, which is fine because I actually love my day job. I had thought about writing a book for years before I actually did it. I think I wrote and rewrote the first chapter of my book at least a hundred times before I finally came to my senses and realized that I just needed to plow through, write the whole damn book, and then go back and edit it. To this day, there are still a lot of things I wonder whether or not I should have changed, but it’s done now and out there for all the world to see. I had a rather small goal when I published Spilled, to sell at least one copy, and thanks to all my friends, family and even complete strangers I far exceeded that goal. So, to all of you who bought a copy of the book I say a very sincere and humble, “Thank you.”

If the book hadn’t sold any copies that might have stopped my aspiring writing career right there, but fortunately for me it didn’t. My modest success gave me the confidence to continue working on various writing projects. I currently have a short story collection out for editing by a few brave volunteers (Thanks to all of you) and hope to have it published by January. I also just finished writing the first chapter of what I hope will be my third book and have many more ideas waiting in the wings. I’m also going to take credit for inspiring someone else I know to give his writing another chance, which resulted in his work being accepted by a publisher. He seems to have found the niche market for his work and I wish him much success. I’m also very proud of the fact that my son was inspired to write his own book, which is also out for editing at this time. When I was his age, I remember balking at writing 5 pages let alone the 100 pages his book is up to as of this writing. I think his concept is a good one and that young adult readers will enjoy the story. It’s the type of book I enjoyed reading when I was young. T.K. Barrett, if you’re reading this, you make me very proud of you every day and constantly do things that amaze me.

I’ve learned a few things over the last year. I think my writing has gotten better and the words seem to flow more freely. I’ve also accepted that the best thing I can do is write what I want to write in my own style and not worry about anything else. I’ve learned that not everyone is going to like my work and some may not even understand it. One person complained on Amazon that one of the reasons they didn’t like Spilled was because one of the characters was unlikeable. Well, I wrote that particular character that way for a reason; it was integral to the story. So, it’s like the old saying, “You can’t please all the people all the time.” Hell, J. K. Rowling was rejected by publishers something like 28 times before someone agreed to publish the first Harry Potter book. I bet there are quite a few people kicking themselves over that one right about now.

 

So, at this point I’m going to keep writing no matter what. I still hope to write something truly great someday that will be remembered long after I’m gone. Whether that ever happens or not though, at least I’ll know that I did things my way.

Review of "Rarity From the Hollow" - A Great Story!

“Rarity From the Hollow” was a great read and nothing like I expected! The author takes the reader on a fun filled journey through the fictional world that he has created. Before reading the story, I had made a number of assumptions, based on the author’s background and the description of the book, but I was wrong on all counts. I thought that the story might get preachy and heavy handed in the delivery of its message. I thought that maybe this was just another author trying to copy Douglas Adams and the very successful, “Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy” series. I could not have been more wrong on both counts. The book does deal with some very serious issues, including child abuse, poverty, lack of education and substance abuse. Instead of the story getting mired in the characters difficulties though, the author uses them to pull the reader in and create empathy. Mr. Eggleton has truly found his own style and voice as he weaves a wonderful tongue-in-cheek science fiction tale that is an absolute joy to read. 

Lacy Dawn, a young girl from the hills of West Virginia, is already struggling to help those she cares about overcome poverty, a lack of education and the scars of war, when she’s told that she is the only one who can save the universe. Instead of refusing to accept the weighty news, she simply wants to know what is endangering the universe and how she is supposed to accomplish the monumental task. Unfortunately, the strange messenger’s only reply is that those are things she must discover it for herself.

Lacy Dawn assembles her team from those she knows best; her war traumatized father, beat down mother, the family dog, their marijuana growing neighbor and the mysterious messenger, DOTCOM. Together they set off on their journey to discover exactly what is endangering the universe and how they can fix it. Along the way each of them does their part and learns that no matter how worthless they feel, they still have value to the others and to the universe.

The author does an incredible job of effortlessly weaving serious topics and light hearted fun together throughout the story. If you are a fan of humor, great science fiction storytelling, tales that keep you guessing, or just a good read, then “Rarity From the Hollow” is an absolute must read. I can honestly say that I have never read a book quite like this and I encourage everyone to take the time to read it. On top of it being a good story, the proceeds go to benefit a very worthwhile cause.

Here's a link to it on amazon.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B007JDI508/ref=cm_cr_mts_prod_img

First, art was born and then came the afterbirth, the critic - Mel Brookes

     So, I got my first really bad review of my book "Spilled" last week and it bothered me a little at first. I realize that I am no Hemingway, Hawthorne, or Twain, but I don't think I am the worst writer to ever turn a phrase. So, I read the review, because I wanted to see what this reader considered the detracting points of my work. She stated that the book needed far more editing to be good and sited three spelling errors as evidence. She was correct there were three spelling errors, but I don't think three spelling errors makes for horrible editing. I also often write things a certain way for a reason knowing full well that there is a grammar error or the like. Sometimes I want things to come across a certain way. One of her other complaints was that the author spent so much time talking about "Jane" and her supposed "bad day" that you end up thinking her petty and not liking her. Well, news flash lady, you're are not supposed to like her at all. So, in a way I guess I did a decent job with the story. I mean, in spite of the fact that this person obviously missed the didn't understand what was going on, she still completely disliked the main character, which is what was supposed to happen. The review opened with the statement that the reviewer couldn't figure out what was wrong with the book. She stated that she felt like it was a short story that ran long, a screen play, or the summary of a longer story. Initially, I wanted to respond by telling her that if she could do a better job she ought to, but I didn't. I also looked at the rest of her reviews on Amazon. Out of the three to four books she review, they all had a two star rating except one. When I saw that I made the assumption that her idea of average must be two stars.
     Suffice it to say that even though it was a negative review it was definitely a learning experience for me. I learned that I shouldn't worry about what others think. I'm not doing this under the delusion that I am going to strike it rich and if people don't understand my writing I'm not too worried about that either. If someone who reads primarily romance and detective novels reads my book they are not going to like it. It's not a romance or a detective novel so imagine that. Here's another thought, read any famous fictional writer and do a grammar check. I bet you find some things that don't fit perfectly into your high school grammar curriculum. No matter what I'm going to keep on writing and if people like it, good. If they don't like it, that's okay too. I do know it goes a long way toward keeping me from choking people. Have a good night everybody.
    

My Review of "Rani of Rampur" by Suneeta Misra

“Rani of Rampur” by Suneeta Misra

“Rani of Rampur” by Suneeta Misra is a well written story chronicling the lives and relationships of two very different sides of an Indian family, trying to reconnect after many years. The family was torn apart many years before when the eldest sister chose to flee rather than go through with an arranged marriage. Her father disowned her and married his younger daughter to the wealthy and powerful politician instead. The main characters are introduced when, after many years, the wealthy sister from the country sends a letter to her impoverished sibling in the city. She is requesting the presence of her eldest niece, an aspiring reporter named Rani, to help with planning an extravagant wedding for her step-son. To the poor side of the family it seems suspicious that the wealthy and privileged matriarch with several grown children of her own would need any assistance from one of them. In spite of this they seize on the opportunity to bring the two sides of the family together once more and send their daughter to the countryside to help with the wedding. Once she arrives, Rani finds that there is much more going on under the surface of the sprawling country estate than it would seem at first. She enters a world of corrupt politicians exploiting the poor while building their empires on prostitution, bribery, drugs and murder. Rani struggles to stay clean of it all while people, both rich and poor, confess their misdeeds to her in an effort to win her over to their side. It all comes to a head in the end as everyone’s darkest secrets are thrust violently into the light and they all embark down a path from which there is no turning back.
Suneeta Misra uses what some might consider a simple style of writing, similar to authors such as Rudyard Kipling, to take the reader on a very enjoyable journey. Ms. Misra does an excellent job of seamlessly weaving together the characters, the story and the country of India. She addresses many social, political and economic issues, but does it in a way that, instead of seeming boring or preachy, actually adds to the richness of the story and draws the reader further into the world she has created. Although this is not the type of story that I normally read, I am very glad that it was recommended it to me. “Rani of Rampur” is a well written book that seems to have something for everyone. Within it’s pages the reader will discover murder, forbidden love, political corruption, greed, power struggles, and some good old fashioned good and evil. Ms. Misra does an extremely good job developing her characters in a way that pulls the reader into their lives and makes you feel like you are there witnessing the events first hand. I normally pride myself on being able to see what is going to happen in a book or movie at the very beginning, but I have to admit that I was quite surprised by many of the events that take place toward the end of the story. This is Ms. Mira’s first novel and the first of her works that I have read, but I will definitely be purchasing her other works. I genuinely enjoyed this story and strongly encourage others to purchase it so that they may enjoy it too.  

Interview with John E. Nevola, author of "The Last Jump: A Novel of World War II".

 I recently had the opportunity to sit down and interview author John E. Nevola about his book, "The Last Jump: A Novel of World War II". The work falls into the category of historical fiction and focuses mainly on Soldiers in the 82nd and 101st Airborne Divisions and their efforts to stay alive throughout the Allies struggle to wrest control of Europe from the Axis powers. The novel does not tell the story solely from the point of view of the Soldiers on the battlefield. It also touches on the lives and loves the Soldiers left behind, as well as the social, political and economic changes our nation went through in order to meet the challenges it faced at the time. I strongly recommend this work for any fan of military history, World War II, the Airborne, or anyone just looking for a good story. Below, you will find a transcript of my interview of Mr. Nevola. I encourage all of you to take the time to preview his free first chapter on Amazon.com.    

J.E. Barrett:  You addressed many political, social, and economic issues in the book that America and the world were facing during World War II. Was there an overall message that you were trying to convey and how difficult was it for you to address everything you touched on in one novel?

 John E. Nevola: In researching the time period and recalling events in my own young life along with the stories told by my father, uncles and their friends, I was both motivated and inspired to understand their lives and stories in greater detail.  Upon learning more about them, I felt compelled to tell their story, speak for those who no longer had voice and attempt to educate modern America about those genuine heroes who preceded us.

Many felt, and still feel, that this period was a dark cloud over America's legacy.  They use the examples of segregation and the bias and poor treatment of ethnic minorities, African Americans and women as examples of America's shortcomings and failures.  I prefer to view that period as a turning point in American history.  The necessities of waging War compelled every American to participate and provided opportunities that may have otherwise not become available for years, if ever.  Those who took advantage of those opportunities to prove their worth changed the world forever and the march to true equality began in earnest during the War.

The overall message is that America's greatness comes from its people and we are at our best when challenged and struggling to attain certain goals.  We've lost some of that spunk and spirit as more people rely less on themselves and more on government.  I simply wanted to point out what great things have been accomplished through determination, courage and the belief in American exceptionalism.  Americans can overcome any obstacle and we are at our best with our backs against the wall.

J.E. Barrett:  You obviously spent an enormous amount of time and effort on the research alone for this book. What inspired you to begin such a massive undertaking and what kept you going through it all?

John E. Nevola:  I always loved to write and hoped to someday apply myself totally to that aspiration.  Over the years, I had started a number of projects and not completed them.  Then I received some advice that changed all that.  I was advised to "write what you love and what you know about".  I had already been a "student of history" based on my own curiosity and interest and especially the history of World War II.  The saga of the airborne had always captivated me.  Putting them together seemed natural.  Once I got started, the story sustained itself and would not allow me to let this project go uncompleted.   At times, the story wrote itself and at other times I had to push my way through a particularly hard passage or plot twist.  When it became difficult, I allowed myself to be inspired by the sacrifices of the 400,000 who died, 16 million who served and the rest of the 130 million who found a way to contribute.  

J.E. Barrett:  How long did it take you to compile all the research material for the book?

John E. Nevola:  I did most of the detailed research as I went along.  I already knew the battles, timeframes and outcomes but in order to write an accurate historical novel, the key historical figures must interact with the fictional characters in the appropriate and accurate time and place.  So each scene had to be researched to assure the units and formations along with the real and fictional characters were where they were supposed to be.  Primarily because of this insistence on complete accuracy, the book took nearly 4 years to write and another year to edit.  I must confess, however, there was only one instance in the book where I took a bit of literary license and had a well-known historical figure interact with the wrong unit in the wrong place.  I'm still waiting for someone to call me out on that (smile).

J.E. Barrett:  Was there anything you learned during the process of writing “The Last Jump” that surprised you?

 John E. Nevola:  I learned a lot and a lot surprised me.  I thought a bigger book was better and was surprised to find that not to be the case.  It certainly is desirable for the likes of Tom Clancy, John Grisham and Stephen Ambrose but new authors should be brief and concise.  Much of my editing time was consumed reducing the original manuscript by about 15%. 

Insofar as content, I was already reasonably familiar with the campaigns in World War II but found some of the details on the Home front surprising.  The amount of material collected in scrap drives, the number and places of Victory Gardens, the process of rationing and how it was managed were all interesting revelations.  The fact that America had to run 7 separate savings bond drives to pay for the War and was just about broke when it ended was definitely a surprise.  A War-weary America financing the cost of the War (for itself and much of the Allies) through its people's largess and virtually tapped out makes one wonder what would have happened if the War would have lasted another 6-12 months.

J.E. Barrett: You spend quite  a bit of time in “The Last Jump” capturing the culture of America during World War II, including people’s changing roles and the sense of national unity that made it possible for the country to accomplish the amazing things it did at the time. The people of that generation are often referred to as “The Greatest Generation”. Do you think they are deserving of the title and if so, why?

John E. Nevola: I certainly do.  And I would if their sole accomplishment was simply winning the War.  Remember, the vast majority of American's wanted no part in another European war.  We were a nation of pacifists and simply wanted to be left alone.  While Germany and Japan armed themselves to the teeth and had tasted blood in combat for years, America eschewed a rapid expansion of its military and tried and hoped to remain at peace.  Having been attacked, the mood quickly changed but it took a Herculean effort to change our industry from peacetime to a war footing.  Catching up to our formidable adversaries and finally surpassing them in production, technology and manpower was truly an amazing feat.

However, to accomplish this off the back of The Great Depression makes the accomplishment all the more unbelievable.  This was the generation who grew up without some of the barest necessities of life.  They were the impoverished remnants of a nation struggling through horrible economic times.  They all had to figure out how to make do or do without.  The children, mostly born in the 20s, made up the bulk of our fighting forces and while every strata of society participated in this War, the sons and daughters of mostly immigrants, having grown up poor and destitute, bore the brunt of the combat assignments and the preponderance of casualties.  And yet despite this enormous handicap which took its toll on people's education and health, this generation gathered itself and won what many thought was an un-winnable War.  And then they came home, started families, got themselves educated and built a great economic society with soaring character, integrity and morality.

This book has given me the opportunity to meet many of these folks at book signings, speeches, re-enactments and community events.  They are humble but surprisingly forthcoming in the twilight of their lives.  I have made, and already lost, some very good friends I would have not otherwise had the honor of knowing.  They are leaving us at the rate of about 1,500 per day.  There are less than a million left of the 16 million who served.  We all owe them all a great debt and our gratitude for what they accomplished.  It is in their memory that I donate a substantial portion of my royalties to charity to assist the children of the fallen.

I am humbled and gratified by whatever recognition and acknowledgement The Last Jump can bring to this wonderful generation, but I fear it will never be enough.

For those of you interested, here are Mr. Nevola's website:

John E. Nevola

Author of The Last Jump - A Novel of World War II

Amazon Top 5 Rated Historical Fiction Book

Stars and Flags Best Historical Fiction Book of 2011

www.thelastjump.com

http://thelastjump.wordpress.com/

http://twitter.com/TheLastJump

Follow me on Twitter --> @TheLastJump

Review of "The Last Jump: A Novel of World War II"!

Every American Should Read This Novel at Least Once!

The Last Jump: A Novel of World War Two

By John E. Nevola

In this fictional account of World War II,  John E. Nevola manages to successfully combine the politics and economics of the time, the shifting roles in society, the sacrifices and hardships that were faced by both Soldiers and civilians and the frailty of life and love during this period of history. The novel begins when modern day journalist J.P Kilroy is summoned to the White House to stand in for his deceased father in receiving his Medal of Honor for his actions during World War II. While attending the ceremony, J.P recalls his promise to his mother just before her death, to reconnect with his father and discover the truth behind the secret she, his estranged father, and all their friends had kept since World War II. While at the medal ceremony, J.P. meets the men that his father had been closest to when they fought their way across Europe as members of both the 82^nd and 101^st Airborne Divisions. After convincing his father’s war buddies to have dinner with him the night after the awards ceremony J.P. learns that, there is indeed a secret surrounding his father that the men all swore they would take to their graves. From there the book switches between modern day J.P. Kilroy, his father and friends fighting their way across Europe, their families in the U.S. and the roles that they played in supporting the war effort. As an active duty Soldier with four combat deployments and former member of the 82^nd Airborne, many parts of this novel definitely returned me to times and places from my past. I was transported back to Airborne School, from the physical training pits to the 250 foot tower (the great Oongowa), from our mornings running in circles, but somehow always going uphill to feeling the air blast and opening shock after exiting the door on your first jump.      

After reading Mr. Nevola’s novel and prior to writing this, I read several other people’s reviews of his work to gauge what comments had been made in the past. Of all the reviews I read, the only negative criticism that I felt was in any way justified, was one critics comment that it was hard to follow the story line initially as it switched back and forth between two main characters named John Kilroy and one of their son’s by the same name. I had the same thought at first, but once the reader recognizes that, the John Kilroy’s were all from different states, one was John Kilroy, one “Jake” Kilroy, and one “J.P.” Kilroy, the issue becomes null and void. Do not let this in any way dissuade you from enjoying this wonderful story.

Mr. Nevola has seemingly done the impossible by combining so many different aspects of a great story into one work. Within the pages of this book, there is truly something for everyone. The author started with a great story and added romance, loyalty, history, suspense, sacrifice, determination and long buried secrets into one tale. The novel immerses the reader in the climate and pulse of the nation and world during the war by viewing events through the eyes of the characters. While the novel does detail many of the battles and events of the war it does not make them seem like a history lesson. Instead, they are important details that affect our lives as we journey through the story, liberating Sicily, parachuting from planes over Normandy and doing our best to keep ourselves and buddies alive through the bitter cold and fighting in the Ardennes Forest during the Battle of the Bulge. We observe as women and African Americans finally gain the opportunity to prove their love for the country and value as people, while still having to fight against the prejudices that face them. There are romances and friendships throughout the story that remind us of a better time, a time of national unity, without being naive or overly simplistic. No matter what you enjoy in a story you will find it within the pages of this novel. Additionally, if you are a member of the military, a veteran, a fan of military or U.S. history, or know someone who needs to be reminded what our country once stood together for, then you need to read this book.  

Afghanistan, this'll be fun.

I remember standing there in body armor, waiting for the ramp to open. When it was finally all the way down all I wished was that they'd shut it again. The heat that came pouring in made it feel like I was standing in the exhaust from a jet engine. Standing there in my body armor with my weapon and all my gear I remember thinking, "Holy crap! This is like a whole new world." Then I thought, "That was probably one of the most stupid thoughts I've ever had." The sun was blazing in my face after being in the semi darkness of the C-17 for hours on end. There was movement outside and I didn't know what to expect. We'd been briefed over and over again that the enemy might engage us as soon as we landed, so I was expecting the worst. Once my eyes adjusted though, all that came into view was some Air Force puke standing there in shorts and a t-shirt, the tarmace the aircraft ramp was resting on and the burnt out hulk of some LMTV that looked like someone had blown the hell out of it. Later, we all found out that supposedly some Marine had been so trigger happy when they landed that he put a M203 grenade round into the cab of the truck and that was why it was blown to shit.

I couldn't for the life of me tell you what that Airman said or why the hell he was there. All I knew, as I climbed on top of one of the shipping containers inside the aircraft, still wearing full battle rattle, was that I wished I could smash that guy in the face. It was hot, at least 120 degrees out, but I've found that once it hits 120 degrees and it's hard to breath, you really don't care if its 123 or 140. It all sucks the same. So, all of us were wearing something like 30 pounds of body armor, along with whatever else we werecarrying, and I was climbing on top of a container that I honestly don't remember the contents of. I know it didn't belong to Shops Platoon, but that's about it.

We got done unchaining everything from inside the aircraft, the containers, the trucks and whatever else there was and stepped onto the tarmac. Imagine looking out on a landscape you've never seen, with heat you couldn't have imagined, even in Texas in August, and even though your brain is telling you that this can't possibly be real, you are stepping into it all on solid ground. At that point, you really have to start thinking that, "Hey, this might actually be real. I might be awake and this might really be happening."

I don't really remember what happened next. I'm sure we got our containers unloaded with forklifts and drove the trucks off the aircraft. Then I figure, knowing the Army, they either took us to our tents and then to chow, or the other way around. I do remember laying all the rounds they gave us out on our racks and taking pictures of them. It may seem juvenile, but after going through seemingly limitless training the government hands you more live rounds than you've ever seen layed out at one time and tells you, "You might need these." Anyway, we took pictures of the ammo and acted like we were proud and nothing was out of the ordinary. I know at that moment that I did feel a certain sense of bravado, but that would definitely go away. Later, I just remember feeling confused and wishing that I could put every one of those rounds into the people who were raining mortars and RPG's down on us every night. Why the hell were they trying to kill me, or any of us for that matter, with their random mortars? I never did anything to them. Hell, if we could sit down over schwarma we might be friends. All I know is that I swore I would do whatever it took to support and defend our Constitution and that was what I was going to do. So, I did my job everyday, whatever that might be, and tried to sleep every night, wondering in the back of my mind whether or not tonight would be the night the mortars came for me or one of my brothers.

Sleep tight folks, if you can. God know's I can't anymore.  

Next Book?!

I just sat down and started typing tonight and this is some of what I came up with. I was hesitant to post it, but here it is anyway. I haven't proof read it or edited it at all and it's only an excerpt, but we'll see......

"The way things work where I’m from, time is not necessarily a linear concept. In fact there are quite a few jokes where I am from based on the concept of three and four dimensions that people on earth use. Dimensions, like width, depth, height, time, etc. are only really an issue if you have to worry about physical density. When, or maybe I should say if, the people of earth finally separate themselves from their serious attachment to all things physical they’ll be able to understand too.

Let me try to explain it in the simplest way I can think of. If you have an aquarium you can only fill it up with just so much water, before it overflows. Why do you need water? To keep the fish you want as pets alive. Imagine if the fish don’t need water. Imagine if the only thing that matters is each entities will or consciousness. If the fish doesn’t have a body then it doesn’t need water, right? You’re probably asking, “Well if a fish doesn’t have a body then it’s not a fish is it?” My response to that is, “Really? How do you know?” Suspend your disbelief for a moment and imagine that you have a fish for a pet that has no body. It’s still a fish, because it was created as a fish and therefore that’s what it is. Since the fish has no body it doesn’t need water to exist.

It still needs energy yes, but it can gather that readily enough from the environment around it. Humans can’t see with their naked eyes the process that coral or algae go through to get nutrients. So, they eventually developed the “microscope” and gained the ability to watch what happens. Does that mean that before they had the microscope that algae and coral didn’t eat? Of course not. It just means that humans couldn’t see it. Let me try to explain this in terms that you humans may understand. If the entire universe and everything in it is a case of beer, then what humans know about it amounts to one drop of condensation that runs down the outside of one bottle of that case of beer. You get it now?

So, back to the fish. You have a fish that has no body and therefore no mass and cannot take up any space. The fish does need some type of energy to keep it going, but it can convert that from any number of sources, whether it’s the light from a star, the gases in the atmosphere where they are currently located, or whatever else may be readily available. Matter can neither be created nor destroyed, it can only change forms. So, to sum up. No body, which means it doesn’t need things, and it can get energy from any source available. As long as the fish’s will is strong enough it will maintain its integrity and continue to exist as a being. If not, then it was never meant to be and it will return to the “matter bank” to be used in some other way. I’m sure your little human brain is probably reeling in an attempt to understand all this, but just accept the premises I have stated and forget everything you have ever known. Seriously, take a minute if you need to, I’ll wait."

Hope you enjoyed the read and really hope that this turns into something significant.

It's More Fun Tilting at Windmills When The Windmills Tilt Back!

So, it's Saturday night, I'm watching the "Three Stooges" with my family and surfing the internet's many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many Literary Agent, Publishing House, and Author websites. I've come to a few conclusions, discovered a few absolute truths if you will, after reading all of the posts, advice, forums, and ads. Every Literary Agent is unreachable, the Publishing Houses don't actually publish anything, every Author is the next J.K. Rowling, just waiting to be discovered, and if I am willing to give just $1,000.00 to one of the companies in the ads they will find me an agent, get me published, and make me the next J.K. Rowling within a week or less. Those are all facts if you are willing to believe everything on the internet.

Take a second and go ahead and do a search on google for anything related to writing, how to get published, find an agent or anything anywhere near those topics. Seriously, go ahead and do a search, I'll wait... Ok, your back. See what I mean? All of the truly successful authors, although I've never heard of any of them, are completely willing to sell you or anyone else their book which contains all the secrets to how they got an agent, got published, and became the most successful author (that I've never heard of) ever.

There are a million (that may be a little exaggeration) forums and sites on how to write, how to promote your work, and how to become a huge success. Those forums and sites are all full of aspiring author's asking for and giving each other advice. Now, I'm not saying that some of them aren't proposing decent ideas, but I have yet to see anything that common sense didn't already tell me to do. Here's an example of how the forums go:

Can'tSpellGrammar(CSG): I am working on my first book and have the first chapter done. Is there anyone out there willing to read it and tell me what they think?

Can'tSpellGrammarEither(CSGE): I'll read it for you and give you my opinion, just email it to me. I have written three books that are supernatural/romance fiction works(translation - I, like everyone else, think I can copy the success of Stephenie Meyer and the Twilight series).

CSG: Great, thanks. I sent it to you. What can I do to get published and or promote my book?

CSGE: Make sure you set up a facebook page for your book, a blog for your book, and a webpage for your book. You can publish the work yourself through amazon.com or a million other less known sites. (J.E. Barrett's Note: Do not tell Smashwords that they need to rethink their advertising strategy for their authors because you've sold 170% more of one work on amazon.com than you have for all your works combined on smashwords. They get mad and kick you off the site.) You'll never get a publishing house to look at your work unless you get a literary agent. If you want to publish the books yourself without any support at all then you can use lulu or ,again, a million other sites.

CSG: Thanks again CSGE. Who should I get to make my website? How do I get word out about my facebook page, etc?

CSGE: I used brand name X webhosting for my site. A good way to get word out about your facebook page is to recruit your family and friends to spread the word. Another thing you can do is join website blah blah blah and put the word out there. (J.E. Barrett's Note: website blah blah blah is a website full of just slightly more aspiring authors than there are $1.00 bills in the current U.S. Deficit. All of them are trying to advertise their stuff, wait for it.....to each other.)

And that's pretty much how it goes. Instead of the blind leading the blind is more a case of the barely literate leading the barely literate. I am not suggesting that I am even in the same metaphorical state as the great authors, but some of these people are awful. I have had people ask me to read something and after the first page I had to email them and tell them it was too much work for me to try to decipher whatever pigeon english they were using.

Still, I find the entire subculture slightly disheartening and very ironic. They seem like nice enough people, but it's as if all the eskimos in the world are trying to sell snow to each other. None of them need the snow the other Eskimos are selling because the snow they have to sell is way better than everybody else's. For a nominal fee though, they'll tell you everything you need to know about how to make the best snow ever and become a millionaire.

Now, that being said, I am going to offer all the extensive knowledge I've learned over the last two months with you for free.

Step 1: Work you ass off writing the best book you can. Just start writing the thing. Don't edit it as you go unless you need to make changes to fit the plot. Then, have people you trust to be honest with you, read it and tell you what they think. If ten people say it sucks or something needs changed then you might want to listen to them. Get the work as polished as you can, but at some point you have to let go. No matter what, you will never think it is good enough and there will always be things you want to change.

Step 2: Find a site like amazon or another that you can live with to publish your work. None of them are perfect. You have to give something to get something. In Amazon's case, that means that they are going to take their chunk off the top, and it's a bigger chunk than I get believe me. However, I knew the deal going in and I can pull my stuff at anytime.

Step 3: Advertise your butt off. You thought writing the book was work, hah. That was the easy part. Some people say to have a whole marketing plan and get the word out before your book is published, but that's not how I did it, so it falls as step number 3 for me. Get the word out any way you can. I would like to thank my family and every friend I have for supporting me in this endeavor. It means a lot. A little tip here though; if you go to a whole lot of pages on facebook, no matter how horribly commercial those pages are, and post the link to your book, then you will get labeled a spammer on facebook and not be allowed to post on there. I have sent press releases to every newspaper I could think of that might run it. For the papers in Ohio they mentioned I went to school there. For those in Maine they stressed that I'm from there. I left one of my paperbacks, complete with all my facebook, amazon, and website info inside the front cover, in a local Barnes & Noble store. Right now I'm thinking about getting some cheap business cards printed up and leaving them in books similar to mine at Barnes & Noble, libraries, you name it. I have become a promotion machine and I've decided that if I ever make any real money at this the first person I'm going to hire is someone to take care of all of it.

Step 4: Try to find time to write some other stuff. I haven't run out of ideas yet, but we all know time is a precious commodity. (Yes, I know I spent a lot of time typing this blog that I could have spent writing other stuff.) So, write when you can.

Now, add up all the hours you have spent writing, advertising, blogging, facebooking, editing, formatting. Then, take the amount of money you have made and divide it by the number of hours. You will see that you have been paying yourself a massive salary of around $0.19/hour. That's with a conservative estimate on the number of hours, but you get the idea. Now, am I complaining? Not at all. I have discovered a love of writing again. I enjoy doing it. I get an idea in my head and I do the best I can to get it down on paper and do it a little better each time. Am I going to get rich doing it? Probably not, with so many people competing for the same readers and money. Does that mean I am going to stop? Hell no. I'm going to keep doing this as long as I can whether anybody buys my books or not. I'll set a record as the author with the most books on amazon that nobody has bought a copy of. Doesn't matter. I didn't do this to get rich. I wouldn't turn it down, but money is not why I did it. I did it for all the intangibles it gives me. If you are reading this, I hope that you find something that gives you as much satisfaction as this has brought me.

 

Taylor Swift, Oral Sex, Kathy Griffin, the Rose Parade, Harry Styles, kissing, and Anderson Cooper

Hello everyone. Happy New Year to you all! I am going to try something new today. I looked up the top searches and stories today and will include them in my blog to see if it increases my readership. I think that it also says a little something about our society. Just a side note; the pluses in front of people names are supposed to increase my blogs visibility or something. We'll see.

So, I know you've been anxiously sitting there on the edge of your seat wondering, "J.E., tell us oh wise one of the top searches and topics of today. Tell us what amazing and intellectually stimulating things people searched for today."

Well, why don't you calm down there little fella and let me tell you what they are. Whether you subscribe to evolution, which states that homo sapien has been around for about 250,000 years, or creationism, which says we've been here for between 6,000 and 10,000 years, I think we can all agree on one thing. The human race has been around long enough that we have had time to develop some pretty lofty and noble ideas. So, what are the top searches of the first day of 2013?

1. +Taylor Swift - She kissed some guy on TV on New Years Eve apparently.

2. Clemson beat LSU at the Chick Fil-A bowl. Ok, so what?

3. +Kathy Griffin - Who apparently simulated oral sex on +Anderson Cooper, again on TV, during some networks New Years Eve show.

4. The Rose Parade - which, lets be honest....is a freaking parade!

5. The Fiscal Cliff - The financial crisis our country is facing, the fact that Republicans are not happy with the current plan, and that it may not pass.  Did I mention that Congress, once again, has decided that they are definitely giving themselves raises.

I am so angered by all this that I don't even know where to start. Should I start with the fact that apparently our country was more concerned today with who Taylor Swift was kissing, a football game, a comedian pretending to give oral sex to a reporter, and a parade than we were with whether or not the politicians we elected to represent us are doing anything to control the national debt or come up with a budget. Or should I start with the fact that the greedy bastards in Washington have voted to give themselves all a raise while trying to cut military retiree benefits in order to save money. I personally plan on finding out if any of the Ohio Congress people voted for this raise and starting a strong anti-them campaign. I am going to blast it out everywhere. I mean where does anyone with a vote in D.C. get off giving themselves a raise? We scream to the high heavens when a the leaders of a company in financial trouble give themselves a raise while workers are getting laid off. I've got knews for you. The United States is not just a country, it's also one of the biggest businesses on the planet, and all the people who can't find work right now. They are basically just laid off employees. Get the picture?

So, what can I, as a private citizen, do about it other than rant on my blog, which only 3 people read yesterday apparently? Very damn little. I can vote for the people I think should be in office and write letters and that is about it. Pretty damn sad isnt it?

I bet though if I put some stuff on the internet about Taylor Swift kissing some guy in the middle of the Chic-Fil-A bowl, while Kathy Griffin pretended to give Anderson Cooper oral sex in the middle of the Rose Parade that it would go viral in about 2 hours. Throw in some Kim Kardashian and Kanye West and I'd have solid gold. Why does anyone care about those two anyway? What has Kim Kardashian ever done with her life? And Kanye West, I don't believe that anyone really gives a shit what that ignorant moron says and I wish someone who has access to him would have the balls to tell him that. Did I mention that those two idiots are apparently bringing another life into the world? This kids gonna have a diamond encrusted pacifier before it leaves the hospital, but I bet it never learns to tie it's own shoes or change a flat. Now, the Mayans may have been wrong about the end of the world. There calendars cyclical by they way. You know, in a circle? So, it doesn't really have an end from what I understand. It just starts over. Anyway, all the stupid people may have been wrong about the end of the world coming, but surely the top news stories of the 1st day of 2013 is a clear sign that the end of the world is nigh. With that I will leave you little kiddies. Sleep well if you can and if you can't sleep well then join the club.